Well, I admit right up front that I am not technically a nurse. Technically.
Actually….I’m more of your professional small Dog.
But I think that there has been a gross under representation of Dogs on The Book of Nurses thus far, and as everyone knows: behind every great nurse there is a dog.
OK then, to start off tell us what country/area you live in, how long you have been nursing…..er, dogging for, what areas you have worked in and the specialty you currently work in.
I have been a professional small Dog now for eight years. Before that I spent some tough time at a puppy farm.
Um…I don’t really want to talk about that.
But I do consider myself an a bit of an expert in intensive care. That, and licking my private parts.
Oh…and secreting socks in unrecoverable locations.
What made you decide to become a nurses-dog?
Originally I wanted to be adopted by a professional model, or rich old lady with a big house, but despite my best attempt to look like the total runt of the litter (and even resorting to urinating down the front of his shirt), my current employer Ian, scooped me out of the pet-shop window.
I know. What can you do? You have to make the most from the bones life throws you.
Its a tough gig being a nurses dog. You see, sometimes they come home after being away for many hours…..and they seem so down.
It really takes a lot of hard work to get them outside, let alone running around joyously…. and peeing on things.
Know what I mean?
Other times they come home and pick me up and squeeze the beejeesus out of me. It can be a little intense. But very rewarding in the liver-treat department once I lift their spirits a little.
Actually Ian isn’t so bad. Apart from his never ending attempts to assert authority as the alpha male in our pack.
Hey, I’m a dog….I know alpha when I see it.
Did you find your training prepared you for what actually goes on at the bedside? What sort of things really opened your eyes when you first began working ‘on the floor’?
Well I started off at the bedside, but after a little strategic whimpering, and throwing out my best cute-puppy eyes one night at Ian the beta male (BM) whilst Kelly the alpha female (AF) was away on a trip…. and it wasn’t long before I was ON the bed.
Since then I haven’t looked back. Now I own the primo central bed real estate.
Thats mine, that over there is mine, and if I push Ian across a bit more….grrrrugh….see? Thats mine too.
Occasionally the BM and the AF like to get real close up….I think they are wrestling or something. But I can usually put a stop to that by getting in between them and dropping a few cubic meters of ninja dog-gas (man all that processed canned food will open their eyes….yes-siree!).
Hey, I like to spraaaawl out and get my beauty sleep OK?
Tell us a story: an amazing, funny, moving or memorable moment from your book of shifts.
Well I do enjoy strategically placing some of my more voluminous biological landmines around the back garden. And then sucking the BM into chasing me crazy around between the flower beds. Heh Heh.
Oh SHIFTS…..sorry about that… I thought you said something else.
What do you do when you are not at work? What do you get up to in the rest of your life?
Just the usual. Chasing balls, wagging my tail ( really it just feels so good….you guys don’t know what you are missing) going for long walks with the BM, sitting quietly on the back step and telepathically communicating with any rebel alien ships passing close to our system. That sort of stuff.
Finally, Name 3 things that really get under your skin, push your buttons, or generally irritate you at work or outside of work.
2) Owners who do not love and respect their pets.
3) The total failure of the Large Hadron Collider Particle Accelerator to identify the dog-particle as predicted by supersymmetry physics. I mean….come on humans. Its not rocket science!
What is the one thing you would like to say to the rest of the nurses or general public out there.
Just wag your tails more dudes…..just wag your tails.